


(Dys)Functional Family

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Bisexual Romelle (Voltron), Everyone is done with their shit, F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Adoptive Siblings, Lance and Keith are pining messes, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), especially Pidge, there's not really even a plot, this is literally just me shitposting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23442976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I'm really late to the game...Anyways, here's a text fic of your favorite, and maybe not-so favorite Voltron characters. This may seem to be in a normal setting, but heaven forbid anything with these guys be normal.
Relationships: Allura/Romelle (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Matt Holt/Shiro
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**LanceyLance** added **SpaceDaddy, Keef, Alluring, Pidgey,** and **CinnamonRoll** to **Squad Up**

_12:01 am_ **LanceyLance:** hello beautiful people ;)

 _12:03 am_ **Keef:** what the fuck Lance

 _12:03 am_ **Pidgey:** why are you guys even awake

 _12:04 am_ **LanceyLance:** we needed a squad gc, what else you need to know

 _12:04 am_ **Keef:** why was this made at midnight

 _12:05 am_ **LanceyLance:** tis the time of my best ideas !!!

 _12:06 am_ **Pidgey:** I hope u can hear me groaning all the way at your house

 _12:07 am_ **LanceyLance:** ur just jelly Pidge

 _12:07 am_ **LanceyLance:** nothing and no one can beat my genius

 _12:07_ _am_ **LanceyLance:** u will see

 _12:08 am_ **LanceyLance:** u will all see

 _12:12 am_ **LanceyLance:** what's with the radio silence

 _12:12 am_ **Keef:** go to fucking bed

**Pidgey** changed the name from **Squad Up** to **Boo You Whores**

_1:13 pm_ **LanceyLance:** what a lovely thing to wake up to Pidgeon

 _1:13 pm_ **Pidgey:** that's Pidgey to you

 _1:15 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** you just woke up? Why is my name SpaceDaddy?

 _1:15 pm_ **Alluring:** leave it to Lance to pick the names properly :)

 _1:16 pm_ **LanceyLance:** you know it bb ;))

 _1:17 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** if only I had done parenting better _sigh_

 _1:17 pm_ **Keef:** u sound like a middle aged man

 _1:18 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** you gufys make me feel like one

 _1:18 pm_ **LanceyLance:** gufys

 _1:18 pm_ **Pidgey:** gufys

 _1:19 pm_ **Keef:** gufys

 _1:19 pm_ **Alluring:** gufys

 _1:19 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** gufys

 _1:20 pm_ **LanceyLance:** Hunk ur here !!

 _1:20 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** Even you, Hunk? You're supposed to be my favorite...

 _1:21 pm_ **Keef:** WOW

 _1:21 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** I STILL CAN BE.

 _1:22 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** I WILL NEVER DO YOU WRONG AGAIN

 _1:23 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** Ok, you're my favorite

 _1:23 pm_ **Pidgey:** *insert gc name here*

 _1:24 pm_ **Alluring:** while we're naming favorites, Lance is mine !! ^.^

 _1:25 pm_ **LanceyLance:** YES !! WE STAN AN ICONIC QUEEN !! WHAT BEAUTY AND GRACE

 _1:26 pm_ **Keef:** Pidge

 _1:26 pm_ **Pidgey:** Keith

 _1:27 pm_ **LanceyLance:** did they just talk without talking

 _1:27 pm_ **Pidgey:** no

 _1:27 pm_ **Keef:** yes

 _1:28 pm_ **LanceyLance:** absolute disasters

 _1:28 pm_ **Pidgey:** rUDE

 _1:29 pm_ **LanceyLance:** Pidge I think u capitalized the wrong letters

 _1:29 pm_ **Pidgey:** HKBGVYCFUTR

 _1:30 pm_ **Keef:** who knew Lance had the ability to come up with an intelligent comeback

 _1:30 pm_ **LanceyLance:** FIRST OF ALL-

 _1:31 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** Keith

 _1:32 pm_ **Keef:** Takashi

 _1:32 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** why do I even try

 _1:33 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** everyone, be nice

 _1:34 pm_ **LanceyLance:** hunk u innocent little BEAN !! ANyTHING for u !!

 _1:34 pm_ **Alluring:** I second that motion

 _1:35 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Boo You Whores**

_11:43 am_ **LanceyLance:** ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_11:43 am_ **CinnamonRoll:** What's wrong Lance? Aren't you in class?

_11:45 am_ **LanceyLance:** THAT'S THE PROBLEM

_11:46 am_ **Pidgey:** tHaTs ThE pRoBlEm

_11:46 am_ **LanceyLance:** shut ur quiznak Pidge

_11:46 am_ **LanceyLance:** not EVERYONe is just automatically smart

_11:47 am_ **Keef:** Is quiznak even a real word

_11:47 am_ **LanceyLance:** OF COURSE IT IS

_11:48 am_ **Pidgey:** In the dictionary of Lance maybe

_11:49 am_ **LanceyLance:** u guys are heartless

_11:49 am_ **CinnamonRoll:** Ignore them buddy, if you promise to get off your phone we can make garlic knots after your class ends

_11:50 am_ **LanceyLance:** Hunk you ANGEL, I'll get off right now !!

_12:01 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** I don't know how you do it Hunk

_12:02 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** Do what?

_12:02 pm_ **Pidgey:** get Lance to behave pfft

_12:03 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** aww he's like a little puppy. Just give him some love and affection and he'll do anything

_12:04 pm_ **Keef:** interesting.

_12:04 pm_ **Pidgey:** Keith ur gay is showing

_12:05 pm_ **Keef:** my..

_12:05 pm_ **Keef:** my what?

_12:06 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** your gay

_12:06 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** as in your obvious attraction to Lance

_12:07 pm_ **Keef:** SHIRO

_12:08 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** what??

_12:08 pm_ **Keef:** I do NOT have an attraction Lance

_12:09 pm_ **Pidgey:** I'm crying, I'm actually crying this is too much

_12:10 pm_ **Keef:**??

_12:10 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** Don't worry about it Keith

_12:30 pm_ **LanceyLance:** awww keefy I didn't know you liked me so much ;)

_12:32 pm_ **Keef:** first of all, I don't

_12:32 pm_ **Keef:** second of all, didn't you promise Hunk to stay off your phone

_12:33 pm_ **LanceyLance:** stay off DURING class, I'm headed towards our dorm rn mullet

_12:33 pm_ **Keef:** It's not a mullet!!

_12:34 pm_ **LanceyLance:** whatever u say babe

**Keef** to **SpaceDaddy**

_12:35 pm_ **Keef:** did he just call me babe?


	3. Chapter 3

**LanceyLance** to **CinnamonRoll**

_12:40 pm_ **LanceyLance:** hunnnnnnkkkk

 _12:40 pm_ **LanceyLance:** how could I be so stupid

 _12:40 pm_ **LanceyLance:** he'll never talk to me again

 _12:41 pm_ **LanceyLance:** I've officially ruined e v e r y t h I n g

 _12:43 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** calm down Lance, you didn't ruin everything

 _12:43 pm_ **LanceyLance:** and how do you know THAT

 _12:44 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** just a feeling, besides maybe he didn't notice

 _12:44 pm_ **LanceyLance:** yeah right !

 _12:45 pm_ **LanceyLance:** maybe I can get Pidge to erase his memory...

 _12:46 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** how about we don't do that

 _12:47 pm_ **LanceyLance:** dang it, of course you're the voice of reason

 _12:48 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** what can I say

 _12:48 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** but don't stress, I'm sure Keith doesn't mind/didn't notice

 _12:49 pm_ **LanceyLance:** UGGGGGHHHHHHH

**Boo You Whores**

_12:55 pm_ **Pidgey:** I'm just saying, in theory, I could easily hack into the government's systems

 _12:55 pm_ **Alluring:** I don't think the government would appreciate that much

 _12:56 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** I, in no way, doubt your ability. Which is why I'm saying no

 _12:57 pm_ **Pidgey:** of course you'd be a party pooper

 _12:57 pm_ **SpaceDaddy:** I live up to my nickname

 _12:59 pm_ **CinnamonRoll:** Pidge please tell me you didn't 

_1:00 pm_ **Pidgey:** I haven't, don't worry

 _1:01 pm_ **Pidgey:** not yet at least

 _1:05 pm_ **Pidgey:** it's oddly quiet...

 _1:05 pm_ **Pidgey:** where's Lance

 _1:06 pm_ **LanceyLance:** don't worry my beautiful Pigeon I know you missed me, but sometimes a mans gotta piss

 _1:06 pm_ **Pidgey:** that is a visual I did NOT need

 _1:07 pm_ **Alluring:** LANCE

 _1:07 pm_ **LanceyLance:** ALLURA

 _1:08 pm_ **Alluring:** GIRLS' NIGHT TONIGHT???

 _1:08 pm_ **LanceyLance:** g ASP of course !!

 _1:09 pm_ **Pidgey:** wow ok, lance gets picked over me and I'm an actual girl

 _1:09 pm_ **LanceyLance:** I'm picking u up on the way to Allura's shut up

 _1:10 pm_ **Pidgey:** for once you do something right with your life, McClain

 _1:11 pm_ **LanceyLance:** I did not ask for this slander this early in the morning

 _1:11 pm_ **Pidgey:** it's 1:11

 _1:12 pm_ **LanceyLance:** MY POINT STILL STANDS


End file.
